Daily Archives: 7 April 2006

UKIP if you want to, the party’s not for kipping!

I’m a little confused. Why does UKIP’s strategy for proving that the “racist” bit in the insult “fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists” is wrong involve demonstrating that the other two bits are absolutely spot on?

UKIP said it would also be parking a Saracen armoured car outside the Conservative spring conference in Manchester on Saturday, in a publicity stunt designed to show “that UKIP’s tanks are firmly parked on David Cameron’s lawn”.

For you Roger, ze var is over.

New Killer Whales

One of the most frequent requests I get on this weblog is to write more on the fascinating subject of false killer whales. “When are you going to give us more insight into the marvellous world of cetaceans and taxonomy, James?” people ask, or simply “more false killer whale stories now, fat boy!”

The truth is, I don’t have much to report. However, I am delighted to learn in the latest Fortean Times that not one but two new species of (not false) Killer Whales may have been discovered: a seal eating kind and an Antarctic toothfish eating kind.

What’s more, it turns out there are two seperate species of Giant Panda. This may explain why they are so bad at getting it on in captivity. “Sorry love, you’re not my type. I prefer a rounder, more feline head myself in a woman.”

Looking at the Killer Whale and the Giant Panda on the same page, one wonders what would happen were they to ever meet. One animal has a black face and white “eyes” while the other has a white face and black eyes. Would they detest each other like the aliens in that classic Trek episode “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield“. God knows what would happen if they ever managed to breed…

Finally, the other thing of note to mention about this month’s FT (aside from the Cybermen article, but there’s been enough Doctor Who on cyberspace recently), is a picture of a giant bunny. It’s huge I tell you! Can’t find a picture on the interweb to show you, but I can confirm that it isn’t the one that just got married (this one is mentioned in the FT article but doesn’t look anything like as large).

UPDATE: It isn’t this one either. That isn’t a real bunny – it’s a muppet.

Guess the columnist

One of the fun things about reading the early edition of the Guardian online, is that when you click on “comment” you get a list of headlines, but with no indication of who wrote what. So you can play a guessing game. Anyone care to guess, for instance, who wrote an article with this title, for instance:

Our children deserve the best, so we must be prepared to pay up

Ooh, it’s a toughy isn’t it?