David Icke: an apology

Dear David,

For years I have mocked and poured scorn on your claims that the world is run by reptillians from Zeta Reticuli. How I laughed when you claimed that these lizard men were the authors of the Elder Protocols of Zion. How I mocked when you claimed that they were responsible for the JFK assassination, 9/11 and that penalty shoot out in Euro 96.

However, on watching this evening’s The Apprentice, I have come to realise quite how deluded I’ve been. They’re living among us! And they want our executive jobs! It is quite plain to see that none of the “contestants” on this show are actually human. They lack basic social skills and behave like a parody of what people from another planet might imagine thrusting young business people to act like. Instead of delegating and even basic team work, they warily circle each other like, well, evil reptillian monsters.

One of them (going by the name of “Jo”) has decided to fool Alan Sugar it is human by crying every five minutes. After this trick appeared to work, they’ve all been at it this week.

I was prepared to ignore the ridiculous sexualised performance of the female-looking contestants in Week One as first-time highjinks. But their failure this week to understand the basic difference between human and feline children made it quite clear that they must be cold blooded creatures from another planet.

Clearly Alan Sugar is not in on this. Their plan must be to use this “gameshow” as a ruse to infiltrate his business empire and make him one of their own. He must be told before it is too late!

I can only imagine the hurt and frustration that the endless mocking of people such as myself must have caused you. I now realise that you are the sole saviour of our civilisation and would encourage others to wake up and realise it too.

We must rise up!

Yours sincerely,



  1. I notice that we didn’t see the kittens after the photo shoot so I think it’s safe to assume that they were eaten as part of the ritual. You also should note that they clearly have no concept of how time passes or is measured on our planet, thus failed to understand that what makes a calendar useful is its ability to record the passage of time, not merely being ‘contemporary’.

  2. I’ve seen how reptillians eat kittens from watching “V” – they dislocate their jaw and swallow it whole like a snake. In “Jo”‘s case however, I doubt it needs to bother with the dislocation bit.

  3. Our elephant, Millennium, was very scared by your revelations.

    We told him about ‘V’, and showed him the video where Diana is rescued and races excitingly to join her cohorts in fabulous spaceships hiding behind the Moon. It’s at the beginning of the not-at-all-tacky Dynasty-in-Space spin-off series, and possibly the only watchable moment in it…

    Anyway, Richard tells me he’s posted about it too: http://millenniumelephant.blogspot.com/

  4. In Secrets of the Matrix, Part 1, David Icke, when closing for the 1st break, himself makes a “sign of the devil” with his left hand (look closely, he does it REAAAL quick) at 2 hours 11 minutes and 05 seconds.

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