“Action, not warm words!”

Grim times are ahead, if an official government report on global warming is to be believed.

So what, you might ask, is our government going to do about it?

You will be delighted to know that Environment Minister has declared that now is the time for “action, not warm words“. The only slight problem is that, erm, she wants the action from the one group of people constitutionally prevented from taking any action: the opposition.

Yes, that’s right. In response to opposition calls for the government to take action, the government has replied “No, you do it. Why do we have to do everything? God. This is so unfair!”

She also claims that the government supports cross-party co-operation on the issue, despite the fact that she turned down just such an opportunity a few months ago.

Fortunately however, all is not lost. Labour are, of course, Doing Something. What, you may ask?

Labour wants young people to become ‘climate change champions’ and has announced a competition to encourage people to get involved.

Nine winners aged between 10-18 will travel to Switzerland to see a glacier that is melting due to climate change and will get to meet government ministers to discuss the issue.

Of course, despite the fact that we are assured that this is a “Labour” initiative, it is actually run on a government website. But rest assured that this new team of 10-18 year olds will be able to pick up the slack.

They’ve got to be better than Margaret Beckett anyway.