One of the most boring staples of the blogosphere is bloggers banging on about the bizarre Google searches people find their websites via. Normally I eschew such cliche you understand, but I will make an exception in this case:

woman beating up a Giant Orange Whale

One is to infer this is a reference to chewing gum. The mind boggles.

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Although I fear that I may be in for a Rigellian Hotshot as a result, it is somewhat amusing to note that if you type Quaequam Blag into Google, the search engine comes up with the helpful suggestion “Do you mean Quaequam Blog?” It doesn’t work the other way.

Well, it made me chuckle anyway.

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Seriously, do you think Google has given any thought to space aliens’ right to privacy? Sure, no doubt they’ll be allowed to opt out, but what if ET doesn’t have access to a phone? Does anyone think about them?

Honestly! Is there nowhere in the universe safe from these snoopers?

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I’ve been wondering all day whether to post this but, notwithstanding the possibility that I’m doing exactly what the bastards want me to do, I can’t resist.

In short: this Information Revolution malarky - just what are the fuckers trying to sell me? Having been infuriated by all the tube adverts over the past week, I finally went to their website after seeing it advertised on another site. I might as well have not bothered as I’m still in the dark.

What we do know, is that they have a thing about Google, making the stark claim that the fact that “75% of people in the UK access their online information through one source” is scary, Big Brother stuff, akin to watching just one TV channel for news, or relying on just one newspaper.

In fact, most people DO watch just one TV channel for news and read just one newspaper. I don’t personally do the latter, but that’s because I have Google News to help me (sinister, sinister…). I rarely rely watch TV news at all these days, but when I do I almost entirely watch Newsnight and News 24 for the simple fact that they tend to be on when I get home and the latter doesn’t have the annoying sensationalism of Sky News.

Clearly someone feels strongly about this though, and the website has a growing list of articles and films from ‘celebs’ and ‘ordinary people’. I use celebs in inverted commas because it boils down to John Bird, Peaches Geldof, a DJ and techy journalist I’m supposed to have heard of and some ugly band called The Scare, and I use ordinary people in inverted commas because, well, they seem just a little too well scripted. Fundamentally, all these people appear to have been locked in a darkened room and beaten strongly about the head until their vocabulary is limited to using the word ‘choice’ in every sentence. It’s like looking at a student disco circa 1995*.

So, who are these people? Well, the domain has been registered by Profero, a digital marketing agency. That doesn’t exactly tell me much. Presumably they are working on behalf of another search engine; either one of the existing ones, something new, or the one that Jacques Chirac wants to ram down our throats (I can’t recall what dreadful name they’re calling it, but Googaul sounds about right).

Or worse. Perhaps some gibbon has come up with a search engine that searches other search engines, and thinks this will now take the world by storm.

The bottom line is, Google has risen to its pre-eminent position because it works - simple as that. When someone comes up with something better, it will rise quickly. Faux-revolutionary marketing is, despite their faux-protestations, very un-web 2.0.

I really hate the sense of being manipulated though, and I’m aware that even getting this off my chest gives the bastards exactly the publicity they want. So can someone please tell me what it is about so I can begin work on the boycott?

* i.e. watching a bunch of zombies jumping in unison to the Levellers singing “there’s only one way of life - and that’s your own”.

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