One of the most boring staples of the blogosphere is bloggers banging on about the bizarre Google searches people find their websites via. Normally I eschew such cliche you understand, but I will make an exception in this case:

woman beating up a Giant Orange Whale

One is to infer this is a reference to chewing gum. The mind boggles.

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What’s the bloody use in a mouse that can catch a cold? Why don’t scientists do something more useful, or at least more ironic, such as engineering a mouse that can catch a cat?

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I often lick and bite ice cream, that doesn’t make it my mother figure.

What about the Scottish Rabbit Protection League?

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…check out his guest slot on George Bush’s dog Barney’s Christmas video in which he manages to not only look deferential to a miniature dog but even comes up with some excrutiating dialogue about how they’re both Scotties. I’m only comforted that they decided to cut to another scene before Blair got a chance to proffer his balls to Barney to lick. It’s for kids Tony - show some decency!

It’s one thing to be a poodle to a halfwit. It’s quite another to be a poodle to a halfwit’s poodle. Suddenly Gordon Brown doesn’t look quite so bad after all.

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They probably wouldn’t be very good at giving speeches, but they’re soooo cute; who could resist voting for them and their widdle nosey-woses?

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I, for one, welcome our new asexual overlords…

Humans and most other types of organism reproduce sexually. The union of sperm and eggs results in two copies (or a pair) of genetic instructions within a cell, one copy inherited from each parent.

This produces two nearly identical copies of each gene in each cell, and therefore two nearly identical proteins.

The “re-shuffling” of genetic material over many generations allows sexual animals to adapt to changes in their natural environment.

In contrast, many asexual organisms have died out because their rigid genetic make-up means they are unable to adapt in this way.

The latest discovery explains why the bdelloids have likely escaped this fate with their mechanism for generating genetic diversity in the absence of sexual reproduction.

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I, for one, welcome our new black feathered overlords.

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The answer would appear to be, not always. Apologies for another poo related story, but it appears that Berlin Zoo’s Panda has died of heart failure caused by acute constipation. But there is speculation of a cute other cause (geddit? GEDDIT?!).

I warned you.

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Oh, yeah. Oooh, ahhh, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming.

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One of the most frequent requests I get on this weblog is to write more on the fascinating subject of false killer whales. “When are you going to give us more insight into the marvellous world of cetaceans and taxonomy, James?” people ask, or simply “more false killer whale stories now, fat boy!”

The truth is, I don’t have much to report. However, I am delighted to learn in the latest Fortean Times that not one but two new species of (not false) Killer Whales may have been discovered: a seal eating kind and an Antarctic toothfish eating kind.

What’s more, it turns out there are two seperate species of Giant Panda. This may explain why they are so bad at getting it on in captivity. “Sorry love, you’re not my type. I prefer a rounder, more feline head myself in a woman.”

Looking at the Killer Whale and the Giant Panda on the same page, one wonders what would happen were they to ever meet. One animal has a black face and white “eyes” while the other has a white face and black eyes. Would they detest each other like the aliens in that classic Trek episode “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield“. God knows what would happen if they ever managed to breed…

Finally, the other thing of note to mention about this month’s FT (aside from the Cybermen article, but there’s been enough Doctor Who on cyberspace recently), is a picture of a giant bunny. It’s huge I tell you! Can’t find a picture on the interweb to show you, but I can confirm that it isn’t the one that just got married (this one is mentioned in the FT article but doesn’t look anything like as large).

UPDATE: It isn’t this one either. That isn’t a real bunny - it’s a muppet.

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