Ban my games of DEATH!

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The One Ring - as found in Lord of the Rings RiskAlix’s announcement that the boardgame War on Terror has been seized by police worried that people might use the “EVIL” balaclava included in it for nefarious acts has got me wondering: what other subversive components lurk within my boadgame sets? I would suggest the following; if the Metro Police would care to raid my house and confiscate them they are welcome to as long as they don’t mind me mocking them mercilessly:

  • Lord of the Rings Risk contains a replica of The One Ring. Invisibility would be very handy for committing criminal acts and anyone owning a copy of this game may inadvertantly be fooled into thinking that this bit of tin will enable them to hide in ladies’ dressing rooms for acts of voyeurism.
  • While Ideology (note to self: second edition is out – check to see if the playing pieces are better quality than the 1st ed) also allows players to play the role of such admirable belief systems as capitalism and imperialism, it also has a darker side. Communism, Fascism and Islamism are all included and by suggesting that these have certain “advantages” the innocent may be seduced into believing such ideals. Filth!
  • The playing pieces in Puerto Rico may officially be known as “colonists” but given their colour and the fact that you play plantation owners, it isn’t hard to work out what they really represent. A clear breach of the Race Relations Act. Similarly, the Robber in Settlers of Catan is unforgiveable (and let’s not get into all that “wood for sheep” business).
  • Ca$h’n’Gun$ – with real, live (foam) guns. Need I say more?

And that isn’t even mentioning the fact that Monopoly turns the most sane, reasonable of individuals into sociopathic bastards. Fundamentally, with all these games out there, it’s a wonder we have a society left!

7 thoughts on “Ban my games of DEATH!

  1. Oh, you are so PWNED. I have so many Doctor Who games I have my own army of daleks and cybermen at my command. AND a Sonic Screwdriver.

    Also, Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs has a Pteranodon (which swoops) and a volcano, and Tower of Terror has a tower with a guard in a barrel to swing at people…

  2. I have the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail! He’s a homicidal maniac! AND He’s got detachable limbs!

    Oooh, I have LOADS of Cthulhus and the cuddly preschooler edition of the Necronomicon!

  3. You appear to have redefined the phrase “not to self-publicize at all”. 🙂

    Congratulations. Will look out for it.

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